Thoughts on the Old Testament

I have been reading through the Bible in 90 days. I have never done this before, and I am awed by what I am seeing. YHVH preserved His truth and His people, even when they did very wicked things and left Him. He preserved their geneology, so they would know who they were when their hearts returned to Him. He preserved His commands, so they could follow Him once again. For as quickly as they turned away from Him, they would repent and return and find forgiveness once again. Thanks to His preservation, when their hearts would return, they were able to restore the Levitical priesthood, proper worship in the temple, feast days, and proper offerings.

As I was reading about Ezra and Nehemiah and how they returned to Jerusalem from Assyria, my heart cried out. How long until we can return? When will we be able to rebuild what is broken? He is turning our hearts back to Him. He will restore all things as He has done before. The only question is how long. It doesn't matter if we are direct descendants or choose to join the direct descendants, He freely forgives when we repent and turn to Him. May our hearts first repent of the our own wickedness and the wickedness of our fathers, and then turn to wholly obey Him. As He sees our repentance, may He begin the restoration of all things.

Healing, Part 6

I feel like Job in chapter 42.  I am humbled before an Almighty Elohim who controls the weather and creates mighty beasts that no one can tame.  He is not to be questioned and not to be told what He will do.  I am not worthy of His attention or His favor.  Many others suffer great pain, financial loss, death.  I face none of these things.  I am truly blessed with health, prosperity, and freedom to obey my Creator.  I fall on shaking knees not daring to ask for a thing for me.

But then I look up and see my Savior.  He is suffering great pain, disease, humiliation and death.  He has all power in the universe yet He is brought this low.  And then He catches my eye.  He looks directly into my soul and says, "I do this for you, so that by my stripes you can be healed."

To be given another day is more than I deserve.  To be given eternal life is sufficient.  To have Him care about my little "problems" that mean nothing in the scheme of things is love beyond compare.

YHVH, my Father, you have given me everything.  You have healed my heart broken by sin.  You have healed my life that could have been utterly destroyed if not for You.  It is sufficient.  If you choose to heal more, I can only offer up a sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving, which is truly no sacrifice at all, but the least I can do.  So for all that you have healed on me beyond man's explanation, I am truly grateful.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Healing, Part 5

I have really been grappling with the connection between sin and sickness. Last week's torah portion included Deuteronomy 28, 68 verses of blessings and cursings. If you obey you will be blessed. If you disobey, you will have miscarriages, plagues, terrible itch, boils, etc. It really makes sense when you think about it. The best way to get my attention is to make me feel yucky or in pain. I'll think twice about doing something if I know it will bring discomfort to me.

So YHVH sends us sickness, disease, pain, when we sin. I have been discovering sins and repenting for two solid months, and I thought I was a good person. I feel lighter and more confident in the throne room with each sin I discard. At first, I set out to get my C-section scar healed. I am still seeking that, but what I have gained as I repented is far better.

I thought I'd list some sins that I had to deal with. If you are in a position where you are also seeking to clean house, perhaps this list will trigger something in your life, too.

Unforgiveness towards my husband
Unforgiveness towards other people that mistreated me
Violation of the niddah laws
Inappropriate entertainment, ie movies
Bitterness
Impatience
Lack of a daily relationship with the Father
Selfishness
How dare you attitude
Unsubmissiveness
Self-righteousness
Blaming others
Laziness
Procrastination
Fear
Unbelief
Failure to apologize

Okay, that's enough. These sins caused physical problems in my life. Now that I am dealing with them and forsaking them, those physical problems are leaving or improving. And I'm scared to return to those sins. I don't want headaches that make me nauseous. I don't want my legs to hurt so much that it's hard to get out of a chair.

I hope that we all can come out a little purer as we prepare our hearts for the fall feasts. The feasts are more than blowing a shofar and building a sukkah. It's about becoming a pure and holy bride, ready for the bridegroom. The Father is so merciful. He gives us so much time to repent. But when we delay, we are only hurting ourselves.

Create in me a clean heart, O YHVH; and renew a right spirit within me.
(Psa 51:10)

Shabbat Shalom and happy heart cleaning!