Sadie's Stories - a time of discoveries

This is a difficult post for me to write and also an important one. There are sometimes confusing moments in our parenting journey. We wonder how we got where we are. We have to face hard truths. And when we do, we discover rare beauties that we were missing.

As you will remember from a previous post, I purposed to take the time to read stories to Sadie all by herself for school. We have been enjoying our reading time tremendously.  So far we have read:

• The Poky Little Puppy
• Scuffy the Tugboat
• Little Bear
• Frog and Toad Together
• The Tawny Scrawny Lion
• The Animals of Farmer Jones

Most of these stories can be found in A Treasury of Little Golden Books.

Our reading time has done a very important thing for Sadie. She has been brought to the forefront of my life. Previously, she was child #4, with many mannerisms and habits I didn't understand, sometimes lost in the shuffle. I love her so much, but I'll admit that sometimes she was a source of frustration as well. She screamed over the tiniest things, used animal noises instead of words, and flung her arms around in a very odd way. As a mother, something didn't seem right to me. But I was unable to put my finger on anything specific. She didn't even crawl until about a year old, and at 4, even I couldn't understand everything she was saying. I couldn't understand the grunts and moans either.

YHVH has been gently tugging me for the last few weeks, about the time that we have been reading stories together. He has been encouraging me to do some research, to find out if maybe there is something I need to know about Sadie. He led me to a very unexpected place, but the more I read the more it seemed to fit. It looked like perhaps Sadie was struggling with asperger's syndrome or PDD. When I found out that my cousin had been diagnosed with PDD many years before, the pieces started coming together. We discovered that his treatment involving a special school among other things, had left him frustrated and ill equipped for life. The "professionals" can offer no cure, no medication.

After prayer, we feel the best help we can give Sadie is not a diagnosis, but a strong supportive family that will meet her where she is, whether she "officially" has asperger's or not. At the very least, we have a framework with which to understand her. When she crawls up in my lap and starts barking at me, I try to encourage her to use words to tell me what she needs. I try to give her a little extra love when she starts grunting and flailing her arms in frustration. We try to show a little more patience when she screams about the things that seem little to us. We have also begun a journey to change our diet. (Thank you Lusi, for the link.)

Suddenly, that time of reading and cuddling with Sadie has become a lifeline for us both. She gets so excited to point out farmer Jones in the picture. She tells me how the poky little puppy is going to dig under the fence again! We laugh together and snuggle and for a few moments, there is peace and calm and safety for her. We pray that with purposeful loving parenting, her days will be easier and she will learn to tell us all the amazing things that are going on in her head.

"Your child was made just right. Your child is beautiful. Your child does
not have defects and “problems.” Look at your child as being fearfully and
wonderfully made. Why am I saying this? Because sometimes we get
frustrated with our children. Sometimes we ask ourselves, “What is wrong
with them?” We need a fresh perspective. We need to be reminded that
YHVH made our child just right. Yes, they need work and training, but look
into their eyes and see what YHVH sees. Look at what they can become.
They are a diamond in the rough. Show them that they are just as valuable
as a diamond to you."

 

from The Children's Ketubbah Project

Our daughter is beautiful and wonderful, an excellent dancer. She loves to trace and color, and play with her little toy animals. She has a great smile and loves to help me with little jobs around the house. YHVH made her just right. She just needs a bit of extra help along the way.

What is Torah family living?

What is Torah family living? What does it look like?
It will look slightly different in every family, but there are common factors. The main idea is to take the principles found in Torah very seriously and seek to apply them on a daily basis. There is much more in Torah than Sabbath and the Feast Days.

For example, let's start with eating kosher. When I plan a menu, there will obviously be no pork, shellfish, or flamingo in the meal.

But let's take it a step further. What do I do when one of my children yells, "Mommy, she hit me!" I need to investigate further because Torah teaches us to get two witnesses before doling out punishment. What if I can't secure two witnesses? I do not punish, but I take the opportunity to remind my children to behave in a just and honoring way.

The concept of honor is very important in Torah. We are to value people. We should seek to do what is best for them. We are to treat them the way we want to be treated. There is no better place to practice honor than in the home. If we are trying to honor our family members, we will automatically rescue Jimmy's bike if he left it out in the rain. Sure, he should have put it away, but honor helps out anyway.

Once we realize that Torah applies to all of life, then we have entered the realm of Torah family living. Let the blessings begin!

A "girlie" service project

I love cloth pads. The disposable varieties drive me crazy, so give me my flannel! That said, I came across this blog post, and thought I would pass it along. It describes a ministry of making cloth pads for girls in other countries that need them. I think this is a wonderful idea, and some time in the future, I hope to participate. I would encourage you ladies to start with your own home, and perhaps make a few to send to another girl who would really appreciate them.

May 20, 2000

Eleven years ago today, I married my best friend.

The journey has had many rocks, cliffs, valleys, and meadows.

I'm so thankful we are best friends, to go through life together.

Our relationship is a crazy, lovely, beautiful one.

He picks on me, but never offends.

He tells me all about the cashiers that flirt with him even with him flashing a wedding ring.

He encourages me to try new things.

He still finds me attractive and likes to hold my hand.

He loves my cooking.

He likes the way I dress.

He knows I prefer the wildflowers.

He tells me all his secrets.

He is king of his castle and I am his queen.

He gets all upset, and then I distract him and he bursts into laughter.

He asks my permission about everything, and I him.

He gives really good hugs.

He fights with light sabers with the kids.

He tries to keep Torah the best he can.

He loves Israel with a passion.

He brags about me to his friends.

He loves me.

And I love him.

We don't always like each other, but the covenant we made with each other is not going anywhere. I tell him he is stuck with me. :)

This is one of our first kisses. The first one was at the altar.

Today he gave me a wonderful gift. When we were courting and engaged, we did not touch. So Doug gave me Hershey's kisses and hugs every time he saw me. When we got married, he stopped because he could have the real thing. :) Today he gave me a bag of Hershey's kisses, and it took me right back to those happy days of learning about my best friend. He is so much more to me now.

 Douglas and Heidi

May 20, 2000

2:00 pm

So, Happy Anniversary to my dear sweet crazy nut!

I love you, idiosyncrasies and all!

An incredible day

I would love to do another post on previous birth experiences, so you would completely understand how incredible this birth was. But I like to keep my blog a relatively positive place, so I'll keep it brief. I have had many false alarms, lasting days at a time, 2 c-sections, 3 transfers to the hospital, pushing lasting 3-4 hours, and the list goes on. But this time it was different.

We prayed long and hard about this delivery. We talked about my previous hangups and uncanny ability to stop labor. I printed verses and hung them on the wall by the tub. I talked to Noah and asked him to help me know what to do during labor to help him get out. I searched my heart and repented and forgave so I would be a clean vessel.

One day, I was visualizing pushing Noah out and putting him up on my belly. (I don't remember any of my other babies being put on my belly.) YHVH asked me, "Is that what you want?" "Yes, it is," I answered. "Then that is my gift to you." He showed me that all those hard births and rocky roads were needed to make me what I am. I used to be the ninety pound weakling, as my dad teases me. I was weak in many other areas, too. But Israel overcomes, and I needed to be molded into what He wants.

So as I got near to D-day, as it were, I had an incredible sense of peace. YHVH had personally given me a promise, and I thanked Him for it. I knew that everything would be okay. I had specifically asked to know when to call. I wanted to know it was real labor. On Monday, I started having contractions, but they were too sporadic, so I waited. I felt like Mary, who pondered in her heart. I kept things to myself prayerfully, thankful for YHVH's confirmations and answers. On Tuesday, I went to my midwife appointment. I am so thankful for her. I was able to share with her my fears and frustrations. She knew my fear of false alarms. She understood my desire to call the shots and not be told how to handle everything.

Wednesday, the contractions returned around dinnertime. This time I was really wondering. Doug went to work as usual, and we had complete peace about that decision. By seven, I decided to start writing down times between contractions. The kids and I watched a movie together and they asked to camp out in the living room. By ten, while talking to Doug on the phone, I knew it was time to call. My dear mother was ready to come, but I told her to go ahead and get some sleep. I would call when I needed her. My midwife started out, with a long drive ahead of her. I started collecting last minute things like the camera to take upstairs where the big tub is. By this time I was leaning against the wall, praying through each contraction. "Help me to work with my body and not get in the way. Help me to be strong." I felt YHVH's presence each time. At 11:30, I did not want to be alone any longer, so Mom came and helped me get in the tub. What a relief that was! I listened to hebrew lullabies and read the verses I had posted on the wall. (More on those later.) YHVH's promises were surrounding me. I truly felt like I was under the shadow of His wings.

I think Noah truly was helping me, because I strongly felt the need to keep moving around, to truly work with each contraction. I refused to let myself cry, but got very good at moaning. I leaned against the wall, crawled on my hands and knees, lied down on the mattress on the floor. Sometimes I felt like a flopping fish, trying to find the right position. My midwife soon arrived and her approach was amazing. She was often in the other room, but knew exactly what was going on. She timed my contractions by my moans, checked the water temperature, offered me water, but gave me full freedom to do what I needed to do. It was so empowering to be able to listen to YHVH, listen to Noah, listen to my body, and do what I needed to do. I didn't have to work around cords hooked to me, or a hospital gown, or being told to get back in bed. My mom never left my side, but she simply was there. Her presence was very comforting. I remember one particularly strong contraction. I said, "Mom, look at me." She helped me calm down and breathe through the contraction.

The first time my midwife, Laurie, checked me, I was a little nervous. How many times in the past had I been checked and checked, and the numbers never changed. I prayed, "Please let it be at least 4." I was seven! I asked her where he was in regard to the pelvic bone. +1 station! He was already settling in! YHVH is sooo good! I was progressing! I continued my routine of bouncing around like a fish out of water for some time more. It was getting very intense. I was thankful for the little 10-15 minute breaks when I could doze off.

At about 7 am, I found myself very desperate. I felt I could not go on. I asked mom to call Doug, but she couldn't get a hold of him. It was then that Laurie checked me again. "It's time to push!" At this point everything was so painful that I couldn't get off the mattress, so I started pushing right there. My poor Mom wasn't ready for me to start grabbing her legs, her knees, her hands, but she was wonderful. Laurie could feel his head, and let me feel it. I had never felt that before. It was an incredible feeling. My sister soon arrived, and scooted in behind me to hold me up. She would tell me that I was doing good and I could believe her! In the past, I would be told I was doing good, but I just wanted to smack them. How could I be doing good if I had been at it for three hours?

They let me keep touching his head, it was poking out now! "Push through the hurt!" "You're almost done!" And then that terrible moment of the ring of fire, the widest point of his head! I screamed, "Get him out! Get him out!" And then, in a few more pushes, he was out and on my belly. I looked down at my beautiful, pink little boy, and sobbed tears of joy! It was the most wonderful moment! Twenty minutes later, Doug walked in and saw Noah on my belly. All he could do was kiss me and tell me he loved me. He was so happy.

The placenta was a little slow in coming, but Laurie was right on top of it, and handled everything so calmly. Soon everything was cleaned up, and Noah was attempting nursing for the first time.

I tried a few different things this time, and they worked very well.
First, I had only women with me. I love my men (Dad and Doug) but having them elsewhere and just praying for me really worked. Just having women really helped me relax and do whatever I needed to do.
My children stayed at home, and YHVH gave me the night delivery I had prayed for. It was so wonderful to have them come in and meet their brother.
I planned a water birth. He wasn't actually born in the water, but the water was so helpful during labor. Maybe next time, lol.
Having so few people put me in the driver's seat. I had to be strong and brave. I had to do what needed to be done. I had to depend on YHVH for strength. He was faithful to give it.
I surrounded myself with YHVH's promises, and He kept them all. Psalm 20 was particularly helpful.

YHVH does answer you in the day of distress! The Name of the Elohim of Jacob set you on high!
He does send you help from the set-apart place, And does uphold you from Tsiyon!
He does remember all your offerings, And does accept your burnt offering! Selah.
He does give you according to your heart, And fills all your plans!
We sing of Your deliverance, And in the Name of our Elohim we set up a banner! YHVH does fill all your requests!
Now I know that YHVH shall save His Anointed; He answers him from His set-apart heavens With the saving might of His right hand.
Some trust in chariots, and some in horses, But we remember the Name of YHVH our Elohim.
They, they have bowed down and fallen; But we have risen and are established.
Save, YHVH! Let the Sovereign answer us in the day we call. 

If you are expecting a baby, I would recommend printing these verses off and posting them where you will see them during labor. But laminate them! Mine curled all up from the humidity in the bathroom.

 

YHVH is so good to His children, and gives far above anything they ask or think. He answered my prayers down to the tiniest details. I know He is there for me, no matter what comes down the pike.

So here's another picture of Noah Ephraim, which means:

Rest, be comforted, and be fruitful.

Sadie is telling him a story about Noah and the ark.

Stereotypes

I was recently accused of being stereotypical.  I accept that “insult.”

In our house, Daddy does certain jobs, and Mommy does certain jobs.  Daddy defends the home, protects us, guides us, earns the paycheck to support us.  Mommy does the majority of the cooking, cleans the house, and teaches the kids.  We do the jobs we are best designed for.  I would never survive in an outside job, and Daddy couldn’t teach his way out of a paper bag.  We’re okay with that.  We do the jobs we are best at.  It just so happens that we are doing the jobs we were created to do.

Without apology, I will proclaim that Mommy is better at giving out hugs, cookies, and understanding words.  Daddy is better at throwing hay, dealing with colleagues, and chopping firewood.

I don’t want to live in a home where Mommy and Daddy are so afraid of being stereotypical that they end up confused and poorly suited to the jobs they end up with, seemingly by the luck of the draw.  Yes, I know of homes where whoever has a bigger income brings home the money, and the leftover parent gets the kids.

In our home, we are right where we need and want to be.  I can’t think of a greater joy that teaching my children, braiding their hair, fixing a meal they all like, and kissing their booboos.  If that is stereotypical, then make me the poster child!

All hail the mighty mommy!
She who rocks the cradle rules the world!

(As a side note, Daddy does all the grocery shopping, occasionally cooks, and Mommy throws

hay when necessary.)

You're kidding!

It's that time of year again!  Our first kid arrived today.  Doug found him a few minutes after birth.  We got him up on his feet and nursing and he is doing quite well.  His name is Magnum PI, in honor of Tom Selleck.  Good job, Peach!  You're a good mommy.

All Rise!

And the verdict is.......

We have a beautiful, healthy baby boy!

He looks great and is measuring about 2 weeks ahead of what we were anticipating.  I'll have to adjust my pregnancy ticker a little lol.  I don't seem to have excess fluid, so we're not completely sure why I was measuring big, but we are delighted to know he is healthy and growing well at about 2.5 lbs.

We were emotionally and physically prepared for twins, so there was a little bit of a let down, but we could feel nothing but blessed for this wonderful gift!  Praise YHVH!  He gives life and we are so thankful to receive it.  And one baby to care for suddenly seems like a breeze!

We are also thankful that our traveling went well, and the kids all did well at Gramps and Marme's house.  Even Elisha, who is a serious momma's boy, did well.

Now to officially introduce our baby boy, his name is Noah Ephraim.

Thank you everyone, for your prayers.

A peek at my projects

I am humbled and grateful to see all the positive comments on the resources I have posted.  YHVH has been very good and has put more ideas in my brain than hours in a day.  I'm so glad you have been able to use them.  I thought it would be fun to give you a little peek at projects in the works, and give you the opportunity to suggest any improvements,etc. to make the materials more useful to you.  I want to be able to encourage you to raise your family in Torah.  Torah needs to be taught when we rise up, when we lie down, when we walk in the way.  I pray that these resources can help you on your way.  So here are some things in the works.

My Little Torah Books - We eat Kosher - is complete and will be posted this week.

Torah copywork will be posted a little bit ahead of each portion.

I plan to put together a chart for each portion that will help you match up the subjects with the "Heart of Wisdom" 4 year cycle.

The next "Walking out the Word" topic will be- just weights and measures.

I am working on some yearly copywork e-books that will be available for a reasonable price.  These will cover various topics in Scripture, or take you through specific books of Scripture.  They will cover K-12 with writing assignments with enough for 40 weeks of school.

I am nearly 25% done with the book you have heard a little about.  It is a beginner reader Torah written for 6-8 year olds.  This will be submitted to a publisher, because I want it to be available in hardcover.

I am always grateful for your feedback, so that the materials I write are the most helpful to you.  Happy homeschooling, and enjoy your journey through Scripture!

an inspiring birth

I just stumbled upon this birth account and found it very inspiring.  It was written by a Jewish woman, after the birth of her daughter.  Her faith and confidence, despite her fears, was amazing.  I hope you enjoy it.  I also want to remember where it is, lol, so I can read it again.

Overcoming my fear of birth

Life in my brain

Yeah, I know, this post sounds kind of scary lol.  But I thought I'd take a few minutes and share some of my hopes, dreams, and failures of late. 

~ I am working very hard on setting up long term food storage in our home.  Doug put up three shelves in the basement today and I filled them with all the canned goods I put up this last summer.  Very good feeling!  I have been putting in larger grain and bean orders at the food coop.  I also am trying to make food with the ingredients I can keep on hand at the house.

~ I am anxiously awaiting my new kitchen island.  Well, ok, it's actually two woodworking benches that we will be making into an island.  Doug wants to keep the vice on the end, just in case he wants to do some woodworking in the kitchen!  It will probably double my island storage, give me eight drawers, and two big shelves underneath.  Very excited!  Oh, and it's made of oak!

~ I am trying to write a beginning reader's version of Leviticus.  That is a real stretcher, and makes me wonder what I was thinking!  But when YHVH gives us a job to do, He helps us figure it out.  I have the first portion in Leviticus written, and I learned alot about the sacrificial system in the process.  I concluded that if we still had to sacrifice an animal every time we sinned, we would a) quickly run out of animals, and b) probably sin alot less.  We, and I speak for myself here, seem to easily lose touch with the cost for our sin.  We get careless.  I want to be more careful with everyday living.  Did my Messiah die because of the nasty attitude I am displaying this morning?

~ I have been on a mission to get my house running smoothly and have my children helping where they can.  Thus far, Naomi and Holly feed and water the chickens every day.  Isaac and Sadie help bring firewood up on the porch.  The kids know how to use the dishwasher, load and sort the laundry, clean the bathroom, sweep, tidy, cook simple foods like eggs and pasta, and help with baking.  My hope is that as I get fatter and after baby comes, they can help keep things running somewhat smoothly with mommy overseeing.  Not to mention, I want them to be well prepared for their own homes and have the varying jobs second nature.  I also moved all the sheets to the laundry room today.  Why?  Because now they will get put away right out of the dryer, rather than getting buried in a pile on top of the dryer, never to be seen again.  Hey, I know my limitations!  Better to work with them than fail miserably.

~ I was surprised to get an email that took me back about four years.  I used to have a business knitting, and dying yarn.  I was asked if I would consider dying a little yarn for a previous customer.  It was really nice to know I had been missed, and if I have enough yarn, I think I might just dye some for her.  It's been a while, and I've missed it.

~ On a daily basis, I go into the bathroom to look at my belly in the mirror.  I say, "It's not that big."  Doug says, "Not for twins!"  He has teased me for six pregnancies, and never misses an opportunity.  It will be an amazing day when he actually gets proven right!  YHVH only knows!

~ I am planning a blow by blow post of our typical school day.  However, I don't know if I'm ready to reveal that!  People will find out how simple our school is and laugh at me lol!

~ Well, I could keep going but I have to visit the bathroom again!  Oh, there's another little tiny kick!  Hello, little one!  By the way, congrats to all you ladies that are expecting blessings.

The girls are having fun playing with photography!
Bye bye for now.

Positive Reflections

My Mom and I were talking about the power of our positive words.  When we speak goodness, truth, positive words, particularly Torah, the whole universe is knit together.  However, when we speak negative, hurtful words, we actually bring violence to the earth.  Storms, hurricanes, volcanoes, are the earth violently responding to the curse and our negative words.  Words are powerful.  I believe it is Brad Scott who teaches more on this subject.  Well, this thought has really stuck with me the last few days.  What is my speech bringing to the environment around me?  What is it bringing to my family?  What is it bringing to me and the little baby inside me?  I have tried to be very mindful of my speech the last few days, and I encourage you to do the same.  I have failed miserably, but I'm trying and growing.

Here are some positive thoughts to get us all going.  They are quotes from the Amidah.  Doug pointed out to me that each prayer ends with "Blessed are you, YHVH..."  So, here they are.

Blessed are you, YHVH, the shield of Abraham.

Blessed are you, YHVH, who resurrects the dead.

Blessed are you, YHVH, the holy Elohim.

Blessed are you, YHVH, gracious giver of wisdom.

Blessed are you, YHVH, who desires repentance.

Blessed are you, YHVH, the gracious one who pardons abundantly.

Blessed are you, YHVH, the Redeemer of Israel.

Blessed are you, YHVH, who heals the sick of His people, Israel.

Blessed are you, YHVH, who blesses the years.

Blessed are you, YHVH, who gathers in the dispersed of His people of Israel.

Blessed are you, YHVH, the King who loves righteousness and judgment.

Blessed are you, YHVH, who breaks enemies and humbles sinners.

Blessed are you, YHVH, mainstay and assurance of the righteous.

Blessed are you, YHVH, the builder of Yerushaliym.

Blessed are you, YHVH, Who causes the pride of salvation to flourish.

Blessed are you, YHVH, Who hears prayers.

Blessed are you, YHVH, Who restores His presence to T'zion.

Blessed are you, YHVH, Your name is the Beneficient One and to You it is fitting to give praise.

Blessed are you, YHVH, who blesses His people with shalom.


Shabbat Shalom, everyone!

My Wishlist

Okay, when we have a little extra money, here is my list of nice to haves:

a siddur
a tichel from Sowers of Hope
fabric to make a huppah (we want to renew our vows this fall during Sukkot)
Bedtime Shema (a lovely picture book with bedtime prayers for children)
a real menorah
Land of Israel necklaces for my hubby and I
100% linen yardage to make some nightgowns and skirts

and until I have that extra money we shall say :Diyahnu (I don't know how to spell that lol)
anyway, it means "it is sufficient"

We are truly blessed!