I have really been grappling with the connection between sin and sickness. Last week's torah portion included Deuteronomy 28, 68 verses of blessings and cursings. If you obey you will be blessed. If you disobey, you will have miscarriages, plagues, terrible itch, boils, etc. It really makes sense when you think about it. The best way to get my attention is to make me feel yucky or in pain. I'll think twice about doing something if I know it will bring discomfort to me.
So YHVH sends us sickness, disease, pain, when we sin. I have been discovering sins and repenting for two solid months, and I thought I was a good person. I feel lighter and more confident in the throne room with each sin I discard. At first, I set out to get my C-section scar healed. I am still seeking that, but what I have gained as I repented is far better.
I thought I'd list some sins that I had to deal with. If you are in a position where you are also seeking to clean house, perhaps this list will trigger something in your life, too.
Unforgiveness towards my husband
Unforgiveness towards other people that mistreated me
Violation of the niddah laws
Inappropriate entertainment, ie movies
Lack of a daily relationship with the Father
How dare you attitude
Failure to apologize
Okay, that's enough. These sins caused physical problems in my life. Now that I am dealing with them and forsaking them, those physical problems are leaving or improving. And I'm scared to return to those sins. I don't want headaches that make me nauseous. I don't want my legs to hurt so much that it's hard to get out of a chair.
I hope that we all can come out a little purer as we prepare our hearts for the fall feasts. The feasts are more than blowing a shofar and building a sukkah. It's about becoming a pure and holy bride, ready for the bridegroom. The Father is so merciful. He gives us so much time to repent. But when we delay, we are only hurting ourselves.
Create in me a clean heart, O YHVH; and renew a right spirit within me.
Shabbat Shalom and happy heart cleaning!
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